Day 1

Today begins another journey, heading back to Oregon from my summer in North Carolina.  When I came over here at the beginning of summer, I drove through the catastrophe known as the southern United States.  Heading back, I’ll be taking the Northern Route.

The last day of work was much more emotional than I had expected since I will be moving to Brazil in January and not returning next summer.  I didn’t realize I was that well liked.  After cleaning my cubicle, I got into my car to head up to see my friend Mason in Roanoke, when it suddenly dawned on me that I forgot to take my programming final.

It was due at 11:30pm that evening and I had already turned in the keys to my apartment, so I head to the closest Starbucks to take the exam.  I ran into my friend Edward there and he had expected me to already be on the road, but I explained the situation.  Of course we end up shooting the shit for about an hour, so I don’t get to begin the test until 5:30.

I ended up getting a 51% on it, but because I had done so well in the class earlier my final grade was a B.

I finally start driving at nearly 7 after warning Mason that I was going to be a bit later than I was anticipating.

I really wish that I had left earlier because northern North Carolina and southern Virginia are absolutely stunning.  The Blue Ridge Parkway felt like a religious experience.  It started getting dark, so unfortunately I was unable to take any pictures.

At around 10 I arrived at Mason’s place in Roanoke and we shot the shit for a few hours before finally going to sleep.  We woke up at 6am because he had to work, and I continued on my journey.

Day 2

Roanoke was a very interesting place.  The downtown area has this late 19th century feel to it, except for the fact that they stuck this museum of modern art in the middle of it that is COMPLETELY out of place.

In the upcoming presidential election, Virginia is considered to be a swing state.  You wouldn’t know it by driving through, though.  I swear, I saw ten times the amount Obama bumper stickers throughout that state than I have in Oregon.

I stopped for gas somewhere near Harrisburg, PA.  While filling up, I went in to fill up my water bottle when suddenly I was screamed at by this 2nd generation guido.

“Next time, fucking ask before helping yourself to water.  For paying customers only.”
“But I’m getting gas…”
“Fucking ask next time.”

I guess it was a warm up for what to expect in NYC.

I knew I was getting closer to NYC when the traffic began to get much denser, the drivers were faster, and tailgated like no other.  It didn’t help that I was getting into the city at around commute time so my frustration was only going to be heightened.

I hit the city at around 5:00pm and it took me well over an hour to get uptown to René’s place.  In order to drive in NYC, I had to pretty much eliminate any politeness that I had acquired in Washington and Oregon and only look out for #1.  I swear, the drivers were out to kill me and everyone else on the road.

I ended up dropping all my things off at René’s and parking my car about 20 miles north at Lawrence’s place in Elmsford, NY.  Manhattan is a place where you do not want to have to worry about your car.

By the time I made it back into the city, I was getting quite hungry.  René took me to a fantastic Brazilian restaurant called Via Brasil.  The caparinhas were amazing and the Strogonoff de Camarão was mindblowing.

Next, we head over to Hell’s Kitchen to a place called Therapy.  They had an interesting show with a transgender singing covers of songs from the 60s.  She was having problems keeping junk behind her legs.  I think Buffalo Bill could help her out with that one.  René ended up seeing his ex here, that he hadn’t seen in about 2 years.  He wanted to avoid contact with him so we head out to find a different place.

We ended up circling the block and coincidentally ran into his ex on the street.  Larry was his name, and he asked us to join him for a bit at another club so that they could talk.

The other bar also had a transgender on stage, but this was more of a comedy act.  She brought people onto the stage and had them do various things such as seductive dancing and awarded the winners “2 valium”.  Larry bought us two drinks and after a short while we separated from him and continued on our crawl.

We ended up meeting these two people on the street and they said that we should join them at this other club.  Of course we obliged, and cabbed over.  The place was in a very odd location, but it seemed like the real deal.  Unfortunately they wouldn’t let me in because they thought my ID was fake.  That wasn’t the first time that has happened. Oregon gives us these stupid stickers when we change our address to put over the old one that rub off EXTREMELY easily.  The result is an ID that doesn’t clearly display my name.

It was 3am, so the bed sound quite nice.

Day 3

I did the typical tourist crap today.  Saw Central Park, WTC, walked around town, etc.  I was really surprised at how every New Yorker I came into contact with was very nice and conversational.  Did not fit the stereotype at all.

That night we met up with Lawrence at Citrus for a few drinks.  After pre-gaming for awhile, we head over to a house party in Hell’s Kitchen.  Lots of beirut was played. Some broad kept flashing me to try and distract but I can’t be phased when I’m in the beirut zone.  I stayed there for awhile and René head over to Posh down the street.  After awhile he sends me a text telling me to come over, so I go.

René met an interesting Australian man there who was very adamant on getting him to go back to a hotel room.

René: “I can’t go, my friend is in town and I can’t let him go back to my place by himself.”
Aussie: “It’s ok, he can come to.”
René: “No, you don’t understand, he’s straight.”
Aussie: “Even better!”

After that, they seemed to seperate for a bit and I got my dance on with some attractive black women.  The thing about dancing with a girl in a gay bar is you really can’t be too sure that they’re women, so you need to play it safe.  If they were in fact men, they were doing a damn good job at being women.  Though I’m sure they just thought I was some random gay dude to dance with that wouldn’t try to pull any moves on them, heh.

Day 4

More tourist action ensued and I went and hit up some shopping.  I didn’t actually buy anything other than “The Selfish Gene” by Dawkins at one of the most amazing bookstores I’ve ever been to.

We also went to Union square and I saw the time installation they had there.  A nice gentleman explained what each of the 3 pieces meant, and went on his way after we gave him a donation.

Most of this day was a haze because Lawrence, his friend Danny and I got pretty trashed at a few bars.  All I know is that I fell down and dropped my phone on the subway platform.

Day 5

I got a late start this morning because of the previous night being hazy and all.  I was planning on leaving for Ann Arbor, MI but I didn’t get off until almost 5pm.

The drive to Ann Arbor (10 hours or so) was stunning.  The entire state of Pennsylvania is beautiful, which is not what I had expected.  I did end up paying tons of tolls throughout New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Ohio.

I arrived in Ann Arbor at around 2am.  Thankfully Michael was kind enough to wait up for me because I know how much of an early riser he is.  We went to Steak & Shake and chat with the chef of the place for quite awhile.  After that, it was back to his place as I had a nice couch waiting there for me.

Day 6

Today I got to explore Ann Arbor a bit.  I was pleasantly surprised at how nice of a town it really is.  Michael explained to me that it was rated the #1 place to retire, and I could totally see that.  The people there were incredibly nice, lots of attractive women, and just an overall great atmosphere.

We had lunch at a nice Thai restaurant.  I was completely blown away by the low prices.  $4 for a lunch is unheard of and the portions were enormous.  I’ve definitely had better Thai food, but the price couldn’t be beat.

I was looking a bit shaggy so I stopped for a haircut after lunch.  The lady did a great job and it was only $10!  Completely blown away by how cheap everything is here.

After the haircut, we wandered around town for a bit.  I made sure to whore every bookstore we came across.  There weren’t really any book “megastores” per se, but a lot of various niche places.  That worked great for me since I’ve been on quite the biology/astrophysics/religion kick lately and if a store didn’t have anything of that nature, I could just walk out and move on to the next store.

We had intended on going to this amazing petting zoo, but by the time we decided to go they had already closed.

That night we met with Michael’s friends at the local Mongolian BBQ place for dinner.  This had to be the first expensive place I ran across, but the food was quite good.

We hit up a few bars after dinner.  There was one we went to that had one of the best selections of beer that I’ve ever come across.  It was also expensive, but I think they had about 20 beers on tap and 100 bottles.  I was in heaven.

After the bar runs, it was getting late so we decided to unwind at a local hookah joint and head back to bed.  Overall a pretty relaxing day.

Day 7

I said farewell to Michael and friends after breakfast and started down to Chicago, IL; only a 3 1/2 hour drive.  After leaving Michigan, I came across another 4 billion toll booths that pretty much left my wallet dry of any cash.

I arrived into Chicago at rush hour.  Before entering the city, I hopped off 90 and decided to take the scenic route through the infamous “South Side”.  It really didn’t seem all that bad.

Driving in Chicago was very similar to driving in New York City, except the drivers are far more impatient and get extremely irritable very easily.  Like NYC, I had to eliminate any politeness that I had and just look after myself.

I arrived at Mike’s nice little place at around 6. We visited for a little while, but he and Natalie had a show to go to.  I had originally intended on joining them, but it was sold out.

After relaxing for a bit at his house, I decided to go and walk the city for a bit.  Chicago was everything I had dreamt it to be and more.  Every person there was incredibly nice and the city was very clean (though it could have just been the area I was in).

I had spoken to Zach a bit earlier and he recommended a pizza place called Lou Malinati’s.  I was starting to get a bit hungry, so I made my way over there but unfortunately they had stopped making pizzas for the night when I had arrived.  I went off to find another place but ended up getting lost.  I did find a great sandwich place and had one of the best turkey sandwiches I’ve ever experienced.

I eventually found out where I was and Mike let me know that the show had ended and they were on their way back.  I met them at the L station and Mike and I headed to a nice bar for a few beverages.

The beer selection at this place was relatively small, but they did have a fabulous beer that was recommended to me by Zach called Goose Island 321.  I had one of those, and Mike and I talked to this nice gentleman next to us about an array of subjects.  The bartender there was also learning how to make various drinks, so we got quite a few beverages on the house.

Day 8

Tourist day in Chicago.  I couldn’t start my day without a cup of joe, so I walked around to find a place.  I guess I’m used to the abundance of coffee joints in the Northwest, because it took me FOREVER to find a place.  It took a good 30 minutes, so the headache from my caffeine addiction had already started in.  It was definitely worth the wait because it was a fantastic cup of coffee.

I head back to Mike’s for a shower and we started off into the city.  First, we checked out the famous Lincoln Park Zoo, which is one of the last free zoos in the country.  It was definitely better than many of the pay zoos I’ve been to.

Next, we made our way downtown to a great Thai place (yes, Thai again).  I had heard that Chicago was famous for their pizza and Thai food, so I had to make sure that I got some of both.  The Thai food was definitely good, but quite Americanized.

Next we went over to Millenium Park.  Of course I had to take billions of pictures of myself in the bean.

I spoke to Zach again and we decided that we were going to meet for dinner at Lou Malinati’s.  Mike and I went and got Natalie and we head up there.

The pizza was unlike anything I had before.  Comparing deep dish and regular pizza is like apples and oranges, but this had to be the best deep dish I’ve ever had in my life.  Anchovies and Mushrooms are the best toppings.

After dinner, Mike, Natalie, Zach, Zach’s friend Katie and I head to a local blues place down the street called Kingston Mines.  It was college night, so the 2 of us with our college IDs got in for free.

The place was amazing.  It was quite sparse when we first arrived, but filled up quickly.  There were 2 blues bands playing, and each were completely different from one another.  One was more of a traditional blues group while the other was very showy and modernized.  Both were mindblowing.

Zach and I said our goodbyes, as he is heading for Spain for 4 months and I’m heading to Brazil for 8. So it was the last time we’d see each other for about a year.

Day 9

I said goodbye to Mike and started on my way to Lincoln, Nebraska to visit Tys.  Chicago is probably my favorite city in the United States and I definitely need to make it back there sooner rather than later.  Hopefully for a bit longer than 2 nights.

Leaving Chicago, I had to pay about 3 million more tolls but those were the last of them.

After Chicago, my body started to take a shit.  I was 9 days into the trip and I started getting exhausted.  Throughout the entire trip I hadn’t had the greatest sleeps on various couches, and it was beginning to affect me.

Western Illinois and Iowa were extremely boring to drive through.  Flatness as far as the eye could see.

Iowa was quite the experience driving through.  As soon as I crossed the Mississippi, I saw a cop sitting on an overpass (literally sitting there, not inside of his car) with a radar gun.  About 1/4 of a mile past there, there were 5 or 6 cops with people pulled over.  This was a good introduction to the state, so I went the speed limit all the way through.  I don’t think 3 miles would pass without seeing a cop on the side of the road with someone pulled over.  I guess the state of Iowa is similar to the city of Lake Oswego.  There isn’t any crime so all the only thing for cops to do is pull people over.

I arrived in Lincoln at about 10, completely exhausted.  Tys was already pretty drunk by the time I got there, and had a Leinenhugel waiting for me.    We hit a few parties and played some beirut before heading back to his pad to bed.

Day 10

Another day, another couch woken up on.  The exhaustion was really affecting me quite bad at this point, and I was acting completely out of the ordinary.  Tys made sure to point this out at every available opportunity.

I walked around downtown Lincoln for a few hours, but there really wasn’t a whole lot to see.  It was a small college town/capital city, with a few interesting stores here and there and a strip of bars.

That night, we started off playing some Beirut in Tys’s basement.  After warming up, we head to a house party and Tys and I seperated for a bit.  I ended up running into some Brazilians randomly and spoke a bit of broken, drunken Portuguese with them.  They were from São Paulo (the place I’m moving to) and informed me a bit about the city.  They also complimented me on how good my Portuguese was, but I’m sure they were just being nice.

Tys wanted to leave because he didn’t know anybody there so we moved on.  We hit up a few bars, but for the most part they were pretty bland so we ended up at someone else’s house again.  We hung there, and I met ANOTHER person from São Paulo there.  I don’t understand what it was with Brazilians and Lincoln, Nebraska, but there was quite a few of them there.

After indulging in some Jimmy John’s, we head back to Tys’ place for another horrible nights sleep.

Day 11

The worst day by far.

Nebraska was a miserable state to drive through; far worse than Iowa.  Iowa was at least green in its flatness, but Nebraska was this brownish yellow flatness for hundreds of miles.  When I did stop, the people were quite nice.

My gas light came on, so I pulled off in Dix, Nebraska to get some.  Of course, my 12 year old personality thought this was hilarious.

After wandering around in Dix for awhile, I couldn’t find a gas station to save my life.  For the next 50 or so miles, there wasn’t a single gas station.  I started to panic because I knew I needed to get gas.

As I was driving on the highway, my car lost power and started flashing at me, displaying “Problem” on the screen.  I had run out of gas.

I did notice that I was still able to drive even though I was completely out of gas.  I switched over to the info screen and saw that my battery had a full charge, so I was driving (at 30mph) on battery only.  I pulled off at the next gas station 2 miles away just as the battery was about to run out.  Another awesome feature of the Prius.  Those Japanese know everything.

After driving through Wyoming, there is really only one way to describe it: sparse as fuck.  Cheyenne (the capital and largest city) seemed like an extremely large trailer park.

The thing about Wyoming was that even though it was sparse, everyone there was incredibly nice.  I was searching for inexpensive motels to stay at in Big Springs, WY and it seemed that many of the rooms were filled.  Some of the receptionists were kind enough to call other hotels/motels in the area for vacancies, and to find me the cheapest one.

Unfortunately the cheapest hotel ran about $115, in Wyoming for god’s sake.  I brought my AAA card in with me, hoping to get a discount and the lady was nice enough to give me the military discount.  This brought the room down to $60!  It was very nice, and had a great breakfast as well.

Day 12

Back on the road, coming up to the home stretch.  It was quite rainy in Wyoming, and the sky and landscape had that very desaturated, earth tone look to it.

When I crossed the border into Utah, it was almost like night and day.  The skies cleared, the landscape became absolutely beautiful.  Unfortunately, the mormons have to ruin everything: the beautiful state of Utah and Polygamy.

I feel that god had to be watching over the state of Utah, because as soon as I entered it, the weather became fantastic and as soon as I crossed into Idaho, I hit a pretty ridiculous dust storm.  Lightning was hitting pretty hard the dust was so thick in the air that it was almost as if I was driving through a mud puddle.

After a few hours, the weather began to calm down a bit but it became pretty windy.  Fortunately, I was nearing my destination of Boise to see my good buddy Albert.

I finally arrived, and I was starving so we went for some Thai food (yes, again) out in Meridian.  It really hit the spot.

It was another relaxing night, similar to the previous one.  We just had a few brews and played video games.  Eden rules.

Day 13

I said my goodbyes to Albert and continued on my way.  7 hours until I was home!

I received a call from my uncle Ben and it turns out that he was actually driving the exact same route as me (from Boise to Portland) for work.  I drive a lot faster than he does, so I eventually met up with him and we got some lunch.

I hadn’t driven much of eastern Oregon, but it was absolutely stunning.  I was in such a rush to get home, so unfortunately I didn’t get many photos.

This concludes the trip.  It was definitely quite the experience, but I don’t think I’ll do it alone ever again.  I do plan on going across country on a bicycle sometime before I die, but I don’t think that will be for awhile.

Every June I finish up another year of university and head back to Charlotte, North Carolina for my fabulous job.  Pretty much the polar opposite from where I’m used to living (on the west coast) but it has it’s charms.

Normally I fly back here and ship my car with all of my things.  Unfortunately we ran into an issue last summer with the shipping company causing me to be without my car and all of my belongings for nearly a month.  When I came back this summer, we had to think of a different solution.  We toyed with the idea of buying another car and selling it when I left, but it would have been to much of a hassle.  The company car was another option, but it’s also a massive truck and would not have been good for my wallet with gas prices they way they are right now.  I decided to drive.

I have never left the west or east coast before.  The farthest towards the middle of the United States I’ve been was Nevada, and I was pretty excited to be able to see what everywhere else was like.  I was planning on going with a friend of mine, but he couldn’t get the time off of work or afford the plane ticket back home.  I was on my own with this one.

First I headed down to Sacramento and San Francisco for a bit to visit my family and friends for a few days.  I even stayed an extra day because I was going nearly 3  months without seeing them.  Tuesday morning I started on my journey.

I must have driven I-5 between Canada and Mexico millions of times, so I didn’t see nothing before.  Seattle, Portland, Eugene, San Francisco and LA are the only worthwhile places.  Bakersfield is easily the worst along the entire stretch, and is best bypassing if at all possible.

Somewhere just after Bakersfield I hit a pretty badass reservoir that I wanted to take pictures of.  I pulled off on the side of the road and snapped a few shots, but realized that my vantage point wasn’t the greatest.  I went through this barbed wire fence and past some grass and heard some rustling.  I shrugged it off as a rabbit or some other small animal until a few moments later when I heard a deep, loud growl.  I don’t know if it was a wolf, mountain lion or coyote but it was enough to make me turn around and walk back to my car.  The shitty vantage point had to suffice.

I decided to cut over just before LA onto 53 east and then eventually onto I-40.  After 8 or so hours I was in Arizona.

Now, Arizona was pretty much a waste of time.  I stopped for the night just outside of Flagstaff and got breakfast at a Denny’s there in the morning.  It was filled with old people talking about stupid movies (I heard Wild Hogs mentioned) and complaining about how hot the weather was.  Maybe they shouldn’t live in Arizona in the first place?

I shrugged this off as senility and carried on with my journey.  From eastern Arizona to Albuquerque was a pretty scenic drive that I much enjoyed. The painted desert was extremely beautiful.

I stopped for dinner near an Indian reservation outside of Albuquerque hoping to get some authentic mexican food.  I was actually quite mistaken, and it was pretty horrible.  The chile relleno I ordered had what tasted like marinara sauce on it, and the rice was extremely runny.  I continued on.

The rest of my drive after Albuquerque was extremely boring.  I was hoping this drive would be an awesome opportunity for photographs, but boy was I wrong.  From Albuquerque to Ashland pretty much looked like this the entire way.

I was hoping to make it to Oklahoma before I stopped for the evening and slept.  It began to get dark just as I entered Texas which was good because I wasn’t missing any beautiful landscapes or anything.  In the distance I noticed some lightning  striking, which I would later stop and snap some photos of as it got darker.

Now, I’ve never shot lightning before so I didn’t know the proper exposures to use.  It got nice and dark and was striking rather spectacularly, but far enough away for me to be safe from it.  I pulled off on the side of the road outside of the entrance to a farm.  It was really silent, other than the sound of “Glyphic” by Boxcutter coming from my stereo and a metal sign banging on the fence.  It was a pretty eerie, but ethereal experience.

I set up my camera and began taking some shots.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t nail the exposure right away.  As I was fiddling with it, a lightning bolt struck about 20 feet away from where I was standing.  That was enough for me to get back in my car and drive.

It was 9pm and I stopped for food in Amarillo, TX.  It was a big enough city that I hoped I would be able to find some non-chain good food, but I forgot about the time zone changes.  It was actually 11 and everything was closed.  Denny’s it was!

This had to be the most frightening experience of my trip, more so than the prior mountain lion and lightning incidents.  The restaurant was FILLED with gangbangers that eyeballed me as soon as I walked in the door.  A few fights nearly broke out, and I stuffed my face as fast as I could hoping that my car wasn’t being stolen.  I didn’t even care about my change, left $15 on the table and bolted.

The lightning was incredible.  The flashing didn’t stop for more than a second, and at times it was like it was daytime because it was flashing so brightly.  I stopped on the side of the road for a bit and watched it while listening to Sigur Rós.  Pretty epic.

I was hoping to make it to Oklahoma before I stopped for the night but weather got in my way.  As I was driving, the lightning got worse and worse, it was raining/hailing, and the wind was blowing so hard that I couldn’t even control my little Prius.    Even parts of the highway had water nearly a foot deep.  I put on the radio to get a report on the weather, and it said that it was this bad all the way to Oklahoma City.  I stopped for the night in the podunk town of Shamrock, TX to save my life.

Next stop was Erick, OK: the location of two bad experiences.  First, I needed to get some gas.  I was already quite out of place because a. I was driving a Prius, b. I had Oregon plates, and c. I had a big Obama sign in my back window.  As I was filling up, this Billy Bob in front of me with his giant truck takes a gander at my Obama sign.  Our conversation went something like this:

Him: “I ain’t votin fo naw god hatin nigga.”
Me:  “Excuse me?  He is a christian and loves god.  He said it himself.”  (I had just finished “The Audacity of Hope” so it was still pretty fresh)
Him: “Naw you wrong, he a god hatin muslim nigga”

I returned to my car and figured he wasn’t worth talking to.

I was feeling quite hungry and next door was a nice, country restaurant.  I went in and sat down, and took a gander at the menu while my gorgeous waitress (albeit a bit wrangletoothed) filled my coffee cup.  Most of the food looked pretty terrible, and included items such as “peanut butter pancakes” and “BBQ eggs”.  I opted for the buffet as most of the menu items were around $10 and the buffet was only $6.  Hopefully I could find something a bit healthier.

The interesting thing about this restaurant is that I was the skinniest person (other than my waitress) in this restaurant by far.  Those of you that know what I look like would understand this as quite the accomplishment.  The (hardly) gentleman across from me was about 400lbs, had about 4 empty plates sitting on his table, and was shoveling in the 5th.  The women all had front butts and the guys all wore overalls or sweat pants.  Never in my life had I been so confident in my appearance.

After the heifer show, I continued on.  I stopped in Oklahoma City for a coffee, and was greeted at the counter by a sweet little lady who’s teeth you could count on one hand.  Easily one of the stupider people I’ve met.

“Hot Americano, no room please”
“Iced Americano?”
“No, a hot one.”
“Would you like room?”
“No room, please.  Could you fill this with ice water please?”  I handed her my nalgene.
“Just water?”
“No, ice and water.”

She filled it with just ice AND my americano taste like shit.

Next state was Arkansas, and I stopped in Fort Smith for Mexican that would hopefully be a bit better than what I had before.  I saw outside the restaurant a green cut supreme with 24in rims, so I knew this place was authentic.

I sat down and decided on a chile relleno again.  I was waiting for quite awhile, wondering where my waiter was because I hadn’t seen him since he sat me.  I look over my shoulder and see him fondling with his mamacita.  We made eye contact and he came over and took my order, even writing it down.  When the food came, it was a taco and enchilada.

Carrying on, my next stop was Memphis, Tennessee-  a city I quite enjoyed.  Everyone told me about the crime problems Memphis has, but the city had a lot of character.  Tons of hot black women.

I continued on without stopping, as I wasn’t tired at all.  I was planning on making it all the way to Charlotte (yes, from Texas without stopping).

My next stop was the shithole that is Knoxville, where I got some breakfast at Cracker Barrel.  Looking at the menu, everything was pretty inexpensive.  I ordered the $5 French Toast, expecting a modest portion.  Instead, this behemoth came out.

It also came with 3 eggs and turkey sausage.  I could barely finish my eggs and sausage, and only ate half of a piece of french toast.  No wonder America is the fattest country.

The rest of the drive was actually quite beautiful.  Eastern Tennessee and western North Carolina has these beautiful rolling hills and forests.  I was so tired and just wanted to get to Charlotte, so I didn’t snap any photos unfortunately.

The other thing I noticed during this drive was how hostile most drivers were towards me.  The person in front of me (usually in some massive F150 or similar) would be going slower than me, so I’d go over to the left and pass them.  Apparently my Prius offended their penises so they would speed up and pass me extremely closely, then slow down to their original speed.  This happened several times.

I suppose living on the west coast skews my perspective of how shitty most of America really is, and where all of the stereotypes come from.  Until you drive through the south, you really don’t see how fat and stupid the people in this country really are.

Left coast 4 lyfe.

Day 1

Today began the road trip of a lifetime. We left a little bit late because I remembered that I had to pick up ‘Killer of Sheep’ from Lloyd over at Watch This. He doesn’t open until noon, so this set us back a few hours.

Of course, we had to pick up multiple incidentals from Fred Meyer, which set us back quite a bit more. We didn’t end up leaving Portland until roughly 3:30.

Due to traffic, we arrived in Astoria at about 5:45. It was already dark, so we had lost all photographic opportunity. We originally had intended on sleeping on the beach, so we drove around for a bit looking for the perfect spot. We ended up getting lost back in some gated community where they were burning storm debris.

We couldn’t find a beach to sleep at, so we began looking elsewhere. There was an RV park nearby where Sgt. Sue offered us a camping spot on a lake for $10. Of course, we were too good for this and decided to go motel hunting.

We were beginning to get hungry, so before we began our motel hunt we stopped at one of the local mexican restaurant.

Delicious.

Most of the motels in town were either full because of all the storm relief or they were upwards of $75 a night. We were looking for rooms more along the lines of $25/night…

Instead, we opted for a different approach…

Day 2

We woke up this morning from lovely Hotel Honda and decided to explore Astoria a bit before we left.

It was cold but it served us well. It was a lovely, but extremely cold morning in Astoria. Before getting breakfast, we walked around a bit along the docks and snapped a few shots. Astoria wasn’t hit with as much damage as the other cities we visited, but it still felt the sting.

After our walk, we headed over to a local favorite breakfast stop that was very busy. I had the shrimp omelet and Doug had the breakfast sandwich. Once we finished our great meal, we headed over to the Astoria Maritime Museum. It was interesting, but neither of us were really into that type of thing.

As most people know, there is one thing you absolutely have to do in Astori: visit the Goonie’s house. The lady at the Maritime Museum was extremely helpful in giving us directions to the exact location.

Just down the street from the Goonie’s house is the school where Kindergarten Cop was filmed. If you look closely at the mural, you can see the cop holding the children’s hands.

This neighborhood was also home to some very interesting looking houses.

While in this neighborhood, we heard what sounded like sea lions. Looking towards the water, we noticed these giant black blobs and decided to head down and get a closer look. They were in fact sea lions…

We had spent long enough in Astoria and decided to head south. Seaside was the next stop, though we were there for a very short time.

Next on the list was my favorite place on the coast: Cannon Beach. We had driven for awhile and really needed to let nature take it’s course…

…and of course, Cannon Beach as lovely as always.

We wanted to reach the great Tillamook factory by sunset, so we were off again. The stops along 101 was absolutely wonderful.

We finally arrived to the great Tillamook Cheese Factory and it was everything we had hoped it would be.

It was everything we had hoped it would be and more. Once we finished our tour, we enjoyed some sandwiches and headed to the fabulous Four Winds Motel in Depoe Bay, OR where we called it a night. Luxury at $40/night.

Tomorrow is Newport, Coos Bay and maybe some others.

Day 3

It’s the 3rd day into the trip and we had quite a drive on our hands. We had to go down to Coos Bay from Depoe Bay and cut over to Crater Lake through Florence.

We woke up from our lovely hotel in Depoe Bay. Our bed smelled like wet dog and cat piss.

Other than the motel, Depoe Bay was pretty nice.

We arrived at Newport Beach and both of us were rather hungry so we got a quick bite at The Apple Peddler.

Newport was really cool as it had a few tourist attractions to check out. The first was Ripley’s Believe It or not

The next stop was the Newport Wax Museum

We also met Johnny Depp.

In Newport we ran into more sea lions.

..and stopped in for a beverage.

Some more coastal shots.

In Florence, we asked one of the locals about a good place to eat and he told us Denny’s. We didn’t take this too seriously…

Once we arrive in Crater Lake this evening, we’ll be sleeping there for the night. More tomorrow!

Day 4

In the four days we’ve been on this trip, today has been by far the most eventful day. I had this vision of sleeping up at Crater Lake and waking up to the beautiful, serene view during a crisp, cool morning but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way…

We were making great time last night to Crater Lake as the roads were clear of both snow and vehicles. As we got closer, the snow began to accumulate. About 10 miles from the north entrance of Crater Lake the snow was very deep.

A group of people waved us down during our drive because they had slid off the road and got stuck in a snow bank. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the supplies to pull them out with the Honda but we did have the muscle power to help push.

Another vehicle arrived with chains to pull them out and combined with our pushing, we got them back on the road. We thought that we earned some karma points for this, but oh were we wrong…

We arrived at the north entrance of Crater Lake only to find that it was closed due to weather. The south entrance was still open, but was about 50 miles away. My vision needed to become a reality and with a quarter tank of gas remaining I figured we could make it to the summit.

The roads proceeded to get worse, making this 50 mile drive slower than ever. My quarter tank of gas slowly depleted as we reached our destination but I figured we would be fine as there are many gas stations in the park.

I noticed a sign that read “TUNE INTO 1610AM FOR CRATER LAKE NATIONAL PARK STATUS”. On a whim, I tuned into it and listened what the pre-recorded message had to say. Most of it was pretty standard about using caution driving through the park during the winter months but one thing greatly concerned me: “ALL GAS STATIONS IN THE PARK ARE CLOSED DURING THE WINTER”. We were roughly 10 miles away from the summit and the gas in the tank would have gotten us there, but we would not have made it to the nearest gas station which was 40 miles away.

By this time it was nearing 1am and Doug had been asleep for quite some time. I figured it would be best to try and make it to a gas station. Again, due to the weather this 40 mile drive to Chiloquin, OR took a very long time and the length was emphasized by my exhaustion.

I arrived at the gas station only to find it closed, which is understandable because it’s unnecessary for a gas station in Chiloquin to be open at that our. I found a turn off in a neighborhood next to a lake to call it a night.

6 hours later I woke up so we could get gas and continue our journey to Crater Lake. It was about 10 degrees outside, so needless to say we were both very cold.

While heading back to the gas station, I noticed my car making an odd rumbling noise and veering to the left. I checked it out at the gas station only to find this lovely spectacle.

A minor setback, thank Jah I had a good spare and a tire changing kit.

We talked to a woman at the gas station about our trip and our plans on heading to Crater Lake. She told us how beautiful it is, but during this time of the year the caldera can fill up with fog making the lake invisible. This worried us as it was cloudy outside, but we decided to take our chances.

The road were just as bad as the previous night, so it took some time to make it to the lake. Fortunately for us, the sky began to clear up as we reached our destination which was very much a relief. When we arrived to the top, it was everything we thought it would be.

We were there for about 30 minutes and snapped tons of pictures, but towards the end we noticed the fog creeping over the edge. Within 5 minutes it turned to this.

Satisfied, we continued on our journey hopefully arriving 450 miles away in Boise, ID by the evening. It was a long, but lovely drive.

These were taken in the first few hours of the drive, but most of it was driven in the dark. We arrived in Boise to warm showers and nice couches to sleep on. Quite the upgrade from Hotel Honda.

Day 5-10

It has been quite some time since the last update, but mainly because the internet was sparse and the content wasn’t significant enough to validate an entire post. I decided to combine the last few days into one!

Our stay in Boise was short, but rather nice. Robert was kind enough to put us up for the night and show us around the city a bit. It was very cold (maybe 28F during the day, 12F at night) but sunny and clear.

Some shots from downtown Boise before it got too cold/had to start driving.

On the way up to Moscow, we stopped in a small town called Weiser for gas and a bite to eat. The restaurant was called The Golden Horse and was recommended to us by Albert as his uncle owns the place. I planned on name dropping to get a discount, but the prices were cheap as it is.

At the gas station, Doug was inside the store as I was at the pump. I had this odd feeling inside of me telling me to rush inside because there’s something we had been trying to find for quite some time. I was right.

Good, old Big Ed’s. Packaged right there in Idaho.

We arrived at Ben’s in Moscow at around 10 or so. He was playing poker at a friend’s place and invited us to come over. The place was rather difficult to find and they ended up finishing before we had arrived. On the way over we were pulled over by Moscow PD because of the cities obscenely low speed limits. I managed to use my charm to get out of the ticket, but it was still an inconvenience.

We visited Tyler the next day at his frat house before we head out to Coeur d’Alene. It was a nice little bonding time.

We also stopped in Palouse, WA on the way up there.

It was pretty dark by the time we arrived up in Coeur d’Alene so unfortunately there weren’t any pictures from there. We did get to see the floating hole and Doug bought his dad some christmas presents at the proshop.

We head over to Spokane to meet up with Joe. Dinner at PF Changs was quite good and afterwards we head over to his place of employment at a christian boarding school in Spangle, WA.

It was definitely a fun and interesting experience.

We had a rather far drive from Spangle to Vancouver so we needed to fill our bellies before we head out. We stopped at a local Spangle favorite.

Instead of taking the typical route to Vancouver on I90 to I5, we took an alternative back highway. Nearing the border, I had to take a picture of this barn.

While I was taking the picture, Doug stepped outside to get some air and jam out to Fats Domino.

We crossed the border in Rock Creek, BC. At most border crossings, you stop at the sign and pull forward if it’s open. This particular crossing was a bit different as you are supposed to stay stopped until they call you through. I made the mistake of pulling all the way up. The conversation with the border official went something like this:

“Did you not see the stop sign there? When it says stop that means STOP AND STAY PUT UNTIL I TELL YOU TO COME THROUGH”

“Sorry about that, sir.” I let out a slight laugh like I always do when I’m nervous.

“You find something funny about that?”

“No, sir”

After the typical questions, he let us through but not without being a complete dick about it. After crossing, we stopped at a local Rock Creek favorite.

Driving to Vancouver from Rock Creek should have taken about 5 hours, but took 9 due to the snow storm that was going on through the mountains. I crawled the entire way there as the last thing we needed was to crash off of a cliff.

The stay in Vancouver was nice. There were no pictures taken there, but the grad was wonderful and it was nice seeing everyone again. Our journey had to end early because I broke one of my braces and Doug was having issues with the infection under his tooth. Too many oral problems.

It was a fun trip and hopefully we’ll be able to do it again soon, just without the flat tire, getting pulled over for speeding, almost being rejected entry to Canada, and all of our oral problems.